Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Change of Mind/Direction - Again

A week ago I re-started doing small daily paintings. I was really going to do it this time -- but I'm not, after all. It just doesn't work with my personality - and my method of painting, which is, I'm sorry to say, of a more laborious, yet relaxed, style. I wanted to learn to paint faster, looser, (more profitably?) -- but I have to conclude that it's just not in my personality or painting style to do so. I still found myself painting a bit too ambitious, albeit smallish, paintings - and feeling frustrated that I was spending way, way too many hours on them, and yet still not completely satisfied with the results.

I don't know what drives me sometimes. I'm "of a certain age," heading into retirement kicking and fighting all the way -- but, as I've been all my life, I still have this drive to master whatever my chosen goal at the time is - and for the past several years and I think for the rest of my life, it's been painting. I've mentioned before, maybe not here but in my other blog, that I've had a few careers in my very interesting life, some of which were quite demanding (i.e., neuroscience/experimental psychologist, self-taught and highly successful court reporter, highly successful ceramics artist, to name a few notable ones). But none of my careers prepared me for the challenges or frustrations of being (becoming) a full-fledged, accomplished painter. It is by far the hardest path I have chosen in my life -- and yet the most rewarding when I "get it right," which amazingly I sometimes do.

Well, I don't even know exactly where this post was headed when I began - except to say that I'm giving up the daily paintings again and feel that it's the right move for me. I need to continue to explore and learn and paint for as long a time as I feel I need to on each and every painting to "get it right," even if it isn't the most profitable method of working. It just feels right for me, and I think that's important. And, so far, my happy clients and customers appreciate the work I do. So for now at least, I'll keep painting along in my own slow, probably not-too-efficient style, and loving every second of it. Now for another cup of coffee and a little while with a good art book.

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